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WXDU v​.​1

by Des Ark

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1.
i been hanging round this girl & she wanted to date i liked her just fine, but boy i loved to fuck her met her at a party when the cops rolled up she asked me to come home so i jumped in her truck we kicked up all the gravel on the way to her door wasnt five minutes fore my clothes were on the floor id been hitting up the bottle since the sun went down & i was willing for whomever was around anyway its nice knowing there’s a pretty girl on the other end of all my long winded letters that i scribble that i scrabble that i score from the road it was getting pretty heavy so i proposed a plan said id like to try it out being yr girlfriend she knew how to drink from the bottom of the shelf she could make em laugh until they pissed themselves so i figured if we could settle for this drag of a town if we could settle for friends who aint around if we could settle for disappointment then we could learn to settle for this she was a mess & i was a mess i thought itd be a good idea to get wrecked together but when i came home i was feeling much better so i packed my things & left her now there is this boy who i find sweet sometimes i crawl under his covers late at night we dont fuck we barely speak he just wraps me in his arms real tight & when he breathes on the back of my neck, when he brushes my skin by accident oh lord it feels good to know ive got my patience back we've got pills to ease our pain we've got bodies to hush our loneliness with enough of the two i think were gonna make it through alright we can get naked together take dirty naps, whatever but so long as we suffer apart from one another you can hold my hand but you can never hold my heart we can lie to all our friends, call in sick or whatever but so long as we suffer apart from one another you can hold my hand, but you can never hold my heart
2.
oh darlin will you ring me up will you take me to the drive-in make a bed of yr truck oh darlin i would not die for you but i might throw down in this dirt till these skinny knees turn blue just to beg a dance from you if i believe in it what wetness fills this cup can i turn it into hope or is it still just some whiskey shot cuz if its money on my mind then it goes down rough but if its heartbreak that is drowning us then it goes down easy enough if lyin up a storm hurts as bad as this why then do you insist lining yr pockets with this shit you ought shovel out yr bed & lay for dead in it but dont be calling me up when yr sad that i dont regret well ships go down & trains derail tanks overturn & pilots bail but if theres one thing that ive learned in all of this it's that sometimes we sink sometimes we sink before we sail
3.
she's a fake fucking mama, i hate her but i want her & every time we meet it's like a hurricane the war has just begun & all i wanna do is live through it with a love so sick i cant let go i am not healthy, i am not healthy, i am not healthy i'm not healthy. i been sick for a while & nursing it but once youve got the fear, there's no escaping it it takes away yr home yr hope & yr family
4.
i never met a chase that i could not catch never fallen in love & not been bored by it i've never asked a lover for their help you learn better when yr always picking lovers who can't help themselves & i don't wanna try so hard anymore i don't want no fucking lover who makes me feel like a failure it ain't about the saints that we shoulda been, what is done is done i'm heartbroken & i'm dealing with it but oh it feels good to be used when yr using it's a given that you love her but what would you think if you fucked her & she cried 'yr love is poisoning me to death' which is exactly what i meant when i said it say the only way i know to say i love you anymore is to let you go
5.
someone tipped the scales & watched the waters flood they blew out all the windows caked the walls with mud & everybody knows when it hits in the south that is a land that we will learn to live without... that is a house that we have learned to live without when ruins come in pieces with no pictures to recall when you cant find a light to break or bright the shadows on the wall everytime that we declare 'this is it, im giving up' there comes a push there comes a push there comes a push & we dont sit down, what we do is get back up it was an idea that we had & a bad idea at that i wanna be loved by you, i sure do lets learn to be alone together lets cry our fucking eyes out cuz we know no one will care for us lets go home alone together lets fuck & lets expect it when we dont feel any better there goes the best damn summer that we ever spent drinking on the porch rolling our own cigarettes jumping up & down in our panties on the bed, screaming 'that was the best summer that we will ever have' & we believed it we believed it we believed it so wont you take me to the kitchen of yr ex-wife's house bore me with details of all the papers you've put out & i can't tell when youre gonna figure out that any line you use tonight will work because we're both as fucking broken as we look
6.
so tell me who was it who taught you this & did they rule with the grace of an iron fist to birth a healthy boy & then cripple him with the sad silhouette of his drunk daddy's lost intent you are the lust that ain't never gonna leave these lips the sunk anchor of yr family's crimson anger sometimes they don't know what they've been doing to us is it a blood feud, mama, if we don't bite back? if we don't give up on them? well if you love somebody, you show it you learn to open up yr arms & let go of it you don't stay up all night drinking cheap beer & then act like we oughta know it
7.
eloise 03:15
eloise, you alone could not cure me of this incurable disease i skipped town for some time when i came home i'd lost that smile that you'd learned to love then learned to live without what was left, sweet eloise was a haunted memory of a new lover uncovering the saddest sights in me nothing makes you wanna quit like a stranger telling you that the midnight parts inside yr heart are all thats shining through eloise, you do not belong to me but every good woman deserves a life of decent company well you can polish all yr kings but you better play them god damn things won't you come over tonight pick up a fight & learn how to win even when you lose sweet eloise but nothing makes you wanna quit like a stranger telling you that the midnight parts inside yr heart are all but coming true

about

recorded new years day, live on WXDU 88.7fm by Ross Grady, following a long night of filthy debauchery. all songs unknowingly performed in a tuning one step lower than usual, hence my difficulty reaching some of those lower notes. please keep in mind also that i was not allowed to broadcast indecent material over the air, which basically rendered all of my songs instrumental & incoherent. thanks to my parents for clapping in the stairwell, ross grady for standing in as my surrogate brother & you for listening. keep going.

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released January 1, 2006

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Des Ark Pittsboro, North Carolina

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